I have not kept it a secret that I am clinically depressed. Some people scoff. Some tell me just to be happy and get over it. Others treat me like I’m diseased. Some nod along with me when I talk about it, because they too know what it’s like. Others are shocked to learn it. Some days are fine and it is managed, but other days, under the right conditions, it is just absolutely devastating and crippling.
When I was no longer living with a significant other, and tired of having roommates or living with family, in my 30’s I decided to look for my own place and live alone for the first time in my adult life, and went about it the only way I know how – I researched and read everything about living on one’s own, living on your own as a woman, and living on your own with depression. The one thing that was a constant in all of the information I read was that living on one’s own, suffering from depression, is not a recommended thing to do. It can aggravate it, the solitude can amplify the negative feelings and effects, and it can be just the thing to really cause you to spiral downward, not having anyone else around to answer to, nobody to inspire or force you to get up, stay social, partake in the hobbies or interests you once cared about, nobody to make you get out or take care of yourself. It can also be a worry for your friends and relatives, because what if one day the worst happens, since nobody is there to look after you? Continue reading “I Don’t Live Alone. I Live With Depression.”
My day job is not the happiest of work; I see and hear things that would give you nightmares. I have a front row seat to the saddest, most terrifying and worst moments of people’s lives. Every single day is a bad situation. My employer brings in counsellors annually to work with myself and my coworkers for vicarious trauma incurred on the job. It never gets better, because when you work in criminal and family court, unlike other professions where you encounter good moments to offset the negative, and have good days to balance out the bad, we ONLY deal with and see things once they have gotten to their worst.
People regularly ask us how we cope with it. People (as people do because it’s just human nature – try passing by a car accident without taking even a glance) inquire frequently as to details on the types of things we ‘get‘ to see and hear, but after quickly closing off the inquiries with asking if what they really want to hear about are the autopsies and things done to children, nobody wants to hear about our day. Everyone else gets to discuss the highlights and lowlights and happenings of their profession over dinner – except for us.