Dear Girls (from one to another):

I know a lot of you have issues with your self esteem.  I used to as well.  I know a lot of you are insecure and feel you have to be a certain way or look a certain way because you’re worried that’s what other people expect of you.  I used to feel the exact same way.

But here’s the reality:

I’ve been told I’ve ‘let myself go’, that I could ‘use a little work right here’, that I’m too squishy.  Yet I’ve also been told that I’m too skinny, skin and bones, ‘gross’, ‘disgusting’.

I’ve been told I need to work out and diet by men, and I’ve been told I need to put on weight by men.  I’ve been told I’m too muscular and that ‘us men prefer something softer’.  I’ve been told I have a bony, flat ass.  I’ve been told I have a squishy bubble butt.

To be brutal, I’ve had different people tell me I have big, perfect t***, but also I’ve been told I have ‘grandma’ and ‘saggy’ ones.

I’ve been told that I need to wear make-up, that I’m preferred wearing it, that certain men were not attracted to me unless I was wearing it.  I’ve also been told that I look my most attractive when I’m not wearing it, that I wear too much, that men do not want to get close to or kiss a girl wearing it.

I’ve been called gross and unhygienic when I haven’t shaved recently, I’ve been told that men don’t care (a friend also once pointed out that ‘a woman is beautiful no matter what, it’s just hair, and a woman should be able to choose whatever she wants and not be made to feel less because of it, and isn’t any less beautiful because of it.  It’s not fair to force women to do such things… unless she has upper lip hair, in which case she should be doing something about it’… and I had such high hopes for him.  Sigh.), I’ve even been asked if I wouldn’t shave.

I’ve been told that men prefer hair in certain areas and that some do not.

I’ve been told I’m too short, I’ve been told I’m short and cute, I’ve even been told I’m too tall.

I’ve been asked to dress more conservatively, and I’ve been told I need to dress ‘sluttier’.

I’ve been told I dress too nice, and I’ve been told I look like a bum and cheap.

I’ve been told I’m too outgoing, fun, not serious enough, not the type someone would consider having a family with.  I’ve also been told that I’m too serious, too boring, not spontaneous enough, that I’m wife material.

I’ve been told I’m too childish, I’ve also been called ‘mom’.

I’ve been told I call too much, that I’m too needy;  I’ve been told I call too little, that I’m not attentive enough, that I’m too independent.

I’ve been called a nun and a prude, and adversely a slut and whore.

I’ve been called a girly girl and a princess and have also been told (and I quote) ‘you’re more of a dude than any of the dudes I know’.

I’ve been told my perfume is nice and I’ve been told it smells like ‘old lady’ perfume (my scent of choice being Dolce and Gabban l’eau, The One.  Yum).

Lessons that can be derived from this:

  1. Some guys are mean.  If they’re saying things that make you feel bad about yourself, they are not good guys.
  2. Different people may bring out different versions of you or highlight different aspects of your personality.  If you’re not the best version of yourself with someone or are behaving in ways that you are uncomfortable with or don’t like, then you may need to evaluate that relationship.
  3. Men have all different preferences, so don’t worry that you don’t fit any one mold.
  4. I suspect men know what they want about as much as we do.
  5. Be yourself, because people are always going to not like you for something.  But other people are going to love you for that exact same thing.  And making yourself happy and being in love with yourself should be your top priority.

And for the record, people (not necessarily men) still comment on my weight and the amount (or lack thereof) of makeup I wear and the clothes I wear.  But I don’t care.  No matter what I’ve done or haven’t done or how I look and have looked it has never been enough to please everyone.  Nothing I can do ever will.  And with that in mind, I decided I needed to start making myself happy – and that means doing what I like, dressing how I like, looking how I like, acting the way I like, whether it’s the popular way or not.  And I love myself.  I think I’m absolutely 100% perfect.  And anyone who doesn’t think so also… well, when there are other people out there who will not only accept but love me the way I am, why would I waste my time trying to please the rest and caring about what they think?

The relationships I have now are so much deeper, with people who have similar values and with whom either share many commonalities or who are more open-minded than the people I tried catering to previously.  Instead of worrying about how people like me now, I worry about whether or not I like them.

I’m as weird and as normal and as boring and as adventurous as I want to be, and I work out and eat to feel good inside and outside, and I paint my face to coordinate with my purse if I want to on the days when I’m not wearing any (makeup).  And I’m happier than I’ve ever been.  And once you come to the same realization, you will be too.  And your life and relationships will become a whole lot easier and ultimately far more fulfilling.

So be who you are  Be who and what you want to be. Look and dress the way you like. Do the things that make you happy.  Eat and exercise (or not) for yourself, and yourself alone.  Be an original, but be authentic.

It is always, always better to be loved by even just one or two people for who you are than it is to be tolerated by many, being someone you are not.

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Author: thebrokegirlsguidetobetterliving

Welcome! I am "thebrokegirl", aka Mandy. And what makes me a broke girl? Being a single income household, living the best life I can alongside my big grumpy dog obviously, but also because I'm not perfect - I'm broke - I'm a work in progress, which is exactly how I want to stay! My passion for writing, research, trying new things and wanting to help and inspire others are what inspired me to start this blog. So what makes me an expert on better living? Nothing! I'm just a girl trying. And what is better living? It's mindfulness, small changes, simple acts, baby steps to help make your day, your health, your environment, your life just that little much better. I'm on a lifelong journey to level up my life, and invite you to share that journey alongside me!

11 thoughts on “Dear Girls (from one to another):”

    1. I’ll take conceited any day then 😉 However, most people go with weird lol. But I get exactly where you are coming from – if you do what you like and you are happy with yourself then you exude confidence, which is often mistaken for arrogance (which is generally born of insecurity I’ve come to realize over the years). There really is no pleasing people!
      Thank you for reading and commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Everyone will have their input-which really might have nothing to do with us! But rather, with their own experiences and possibly wounds. I love how you are able to deduct that worth comes within you, not from others. love your writing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I always did love that quote, “What others think of you is none of your business”. It’s worded a little harshly, but you get the point 🙂 The only person whose opinion IS my business is my own, so I need to meet the expectations I have for myself above and beyond all others. And anyone who would talk to someone or treat anyone in the way that I’ve been talked to over the years is not someone who I want to take the time to impress anyhow. I could go on forever and a day (I usually do 😉 ) but I’m just on a quick break at work, so thank you ever so much for taking the time to read and comment, and I am so happy you enjoyed it xo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Brilliant. One of my favourites from you. All girls/women/mums/grannies /teenagers- everyone needs to read and heed!
    It’s just madness that people think they have a right to tell someone how to, essentially ‘be’.
    It’s as you say- you have to know you’re perfect and that’s that. Finished. No matter what, people /men/ whoever will say mean, derogatory and cutting things. How do you take them? How do you move on? How do you respond? That’s what places value or lack thereof in what has been said.
    I think you’re gorgeous, too 😊
    Love this. ❤🌺

    Like

    1. Thanks ever so much!! It’s one of my favourites actually 🙂
      People can cut you down. And when that happens, the problem lies with them, no one else.
      I have a pretty healthy self esteem, I can take a little criticism. But I won’t allow people to speak down to me anymore – my value is no less than their own, and they will not treat me as such. And if it’s someone in my life doing so, they will quickly lose their place in my life. They want to live their best lives possible, why shouldn’t I get to as well?
      And there is absolutely ZERO one right way to be or look or act. Why criticize people for not conforming to your own personal preferences? And that’s all things are, is JUST your personal preference. There’s always a very large segment of the population that is going to LOVE just that very part of you that you hate or get criticized for the most.
      (And p.s. I think you’re gorgeous right back, ethereal goddess avatar woman lol)

      Like

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