I know a lot of you have issues with your self esteem. I used to as well. I know a lot of you are insecure and feel you have to be a certain way or look a certain way because you’re worried that’s what other people expect of you. I used to feel the exact same way.
But here’s the reality:
I’ve been told I’ve ‘let myself go’, that I could ‘use a little work right here’, that I’m too squishy. Yet I’ve also been told that I’m too skinny, skin and bones, ‘gross’, ‘disgusting’.
I’ve been told I need to work out and diet by men, and I’ve been told I need to put on weight by men. I’ve been told I’m too muscular and that ‘us men prefer something softer’. I’ve been told I have a bony, flat ass. I’ve been told I have a squishy bubble butt.
To be brutal, I’ve had different people tell me I have big, perfect t***, but also I’ve been told I have ‘grandma’ and ‘saggy’ ones.
I’ve been told that I need to wear make-up, that I’m preferred wearing it, that certain men were not attracted to me unless I was wearing it. I’ve also been told that I look my most attractive when I’m not wearing it, that I wear too much, that men do not want to get close to or kiss a girl wearing it.
I’ve been called gross and unhygienic when I haven’t shaved recently, I’ve been told that men don’t care (a friend also once pointed out that ‘a woman is beautiful no matter what, it’s just hair, and a woman should be able to choose whatever she wants and not be made to feel less because of it, and isn’t any less beautiful because of it. It’s not fair to force women to do such things… unless she has upper lip hair, in which case she should be doing something about it’… and I had such high hopes for him. Sigh.), I’ve even been asked if I wouldn’t shave.
I’ve been told that men prefer hair in certain areas and that some do not.
I’ve been told I’m too short, I’ve been told I’m short and cute, I’ve even been told I’m too tall.
I’ve been asked to dress more conservatively, and I’ve been told I need to dress ‘sluttier’.
I’ve been told I dress too nice, and I’ve been told I look like a bum and cheap.
I’ve been told I’m too outgoing, fun, not serious enough, not the type someone would consider having a family with. I’ve also been told that I’m too serious, too boring, not spontaneous enough, that I’m wife material.
I’ve been told I’m too childish, I’ve also been called ‘mom’.
I’ve been told I call too much, that I’m too needy; I’ve been told I call too little, that I’m not attentive enough, that I’m too independent.
I’ve been called a nun and a prude, and adversely a slut and whore.
I’ve been called a girly girl and a princess and have also been told (and I quote) ‘you’re more of a dude than any of the dudes I know’.
I’ve been told my perfume is nice and I’ve been told it smells like ‘old lady’ perfume (my scent of choice being Dolce and Gabban l’eau, The One. Yum).
Lessons that can be derived from this:
- Some guys are mean. If they’re saying things that make you feel bad about yourself, they are not good guys.
- Different people may bring out different versions of you or highlight different aspects of your personality. If you’re not the best version of yourself with someone or are behaving in ways that you are uncomfortable with or don’t like, then you may need to evaluate that relationship.
- Men have all different preferences, so don’t worry that you don’t fit any one mold.
- I suspect men know what they want about as much as we do.
- Be yourself, because people are always going to not like you for something. But other people are going to love you for that exact same thing. And making yourself happy and being in love with yourself should be your top priority.
And for the record, people (not necessarily men) still comment on my weight and the amount (or lack thereof) of makeup I wear and the clothes I wear. But I don’t care. No matter what I’ve done or haven’t done or how I look and have looked it has never been enough to please everyone. Nothing I can do ever will. And with that in mind, I decided I needed to start making myself happy – and that means doing what I like, dressing how I like, looking how I like, acting the way I like, whether it’s the popular way or not. And I love myself. I think I’m absolutely 100% perfect. And anyone who doesn’t think so also… well, when there are other people out there who will not only accept but love me the way I am, why would I waste my time trying to please the rest and caring about what they think?
The relationships I have now are so much deeper, with people who have similar values and with whom either share many commonalities or who are more open-minded than the people I tried catering to previously. Instead of worrying about how people like me now, I worry about whether or not I like them.
I’m as weird and as normal and as boring and as adventurous as I want to be, and I work out and eat to feel good inside and outside, and I paint my face to coordinate with my purse if I want to on the days when I’m not wearing any (makeup). And I’m happier than I’ve ever been. And once you come to the same realization, you will be too. And your life and relationships will become a whole lot easier and ultimately far more fulfilling.
So be who you are Be who and what you want to be. Look and dress the way you like. Do the things that make you happy. Eat and exercise (or not) for yourself, and yourself alone. Be an original, but be authentic.
It is always, always better to be loved by even just one or two people for who you are than it is to be tolerated by many, being someone you are not.